oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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