I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
