i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
