in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
