I got chris browned last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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