Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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