Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
