this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
