Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
