So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
