I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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