I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
