i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
