Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
