YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
