proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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