I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
