The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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