Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
