I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
