he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
