Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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