I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had sex on a dog bed..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
