Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
