btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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