if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
