mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
