I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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