Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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