She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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