redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
