I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
