Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
