I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
