We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
