Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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