This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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