just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will be naked everywhere
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
