i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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