I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
