Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm having to shit out rocks
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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