I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We had to coat check the pizza.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
