Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
