Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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