Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
