I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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