New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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