Just cropdusted the office
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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