2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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