Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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