I feel like abortions should bother me more
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
