So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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