Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
