I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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