if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
