i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
