i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
