Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
