You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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