Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
