If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
