hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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