Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Shame is for Republicans.
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