my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm too high and old for this...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
