just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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