i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
