just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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