So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
