I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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