Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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