were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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