Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
areolas are like halos for boobs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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