Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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