After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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