I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
